Halloween is fast approaching, meaning its time for another ~~spooky~~ mix. Found this track from 2011 buried in my iTunes and thought it might fit. Have no fear.
My attention the past few days has been dedicated to 1) The International and 2) sleep. One of those has been sacrificed for the other, I'll let you guess which.
Took a too-long nap yesterday and wound up not getting to go to sleep until around 4, so I ended up randomly shuffling through my iTunes looking for something to remix.
I came across Beck's "Dark Star," and that opening drum break was too much to pass up on:
So, after about two hours or so this came out. (I realized later I'd misnamed the track, whoops).
This is one I'm pretty satisfied with, given the time it took to make it. Lemme know what you think in the comments.
Last week saw another track getting the ol' VAPOR touch, this time rerubbing Quench's trance classic, "Dreams."
Now this one took a little more work to get it where I wanted. The original hovers somewhere around 140 bpm, and my ultimate goal with these is to use them as hip-hop beats. Humans can't really get up to 140, so I halftimed it down to around 70 (then sped it up a hair).
This required the addition of my own drums, which have always been my downfall, I can never get them to sound quite right or pack the punch I'm looking for, but I think it turned out as a pretty good proof of concept.
Stay tuned for more shitty remixes, folks.
So I haven't posted in a while.
For a couple of reasons: part life, part job, mostly due to me not knowing what the hell I should be writing about.
I started this blog with my personal recovery in mind. Then, very quickly, my sense of worth was shifted. I started conflating this site (and my own personal) value with things like page views, Facebook likes, and...the like.
Ever heard of "Network Decay?" TV Tropes has a pretty good explanation of this phenomena. In this case, it's applied toward television channels, but I think it's appropriate here as well:
A prime example of this would be the History Channel. Originally intended to cover all things, well, historical, it's changed a few times over the years, for a while becoming the Hitler Channel before settling into its current Alien Nutjob/Old Attic Junk groove.
The thing with this blog is that it's still in it's early stages. It hasn't really decayed. That implies that it at one point was something solid.
A Year in Hell hasn't really formed yet. If it were Jello it would be cooling in the fridge right about now. Or maybe even just been poured into the mold. If there is one.
I have an idea of what I'd like this site to be, and I have an idea of where it is now, I just need to connect the dots, so to speak.
So I think I'm going to return to my roots. For a while there I'd just been going the easy way. Posting anything and everything that came to mind, no matter how mundane.
I've done a lot of solidifying personally over the past couple of months, and I think it's interesting in its own right that this blog has sort of followed that arc as well.
I've decided that this blog should be, for the time being, about my story. How I got here, why I'm doing this. I haven't really explained it all yet. I don't really know it myself but hey, it's a process.
So, bear with me, there will be more to come.
So going to school in the Mid-atlantic (the South? The part of Virginia I went to school in wasn't really "southern," but you get the idea) gave me a taste for biscuits and gravy.
The perfect hangover food, even when you're not hung over (I was not today).
So when my girlfriend told me there was a place called "Biscuits," I had to try it out. She recommended it, I seconded it.
Now, normally when I'm in a new restaurant, I order one of two things 1) The number 1, or 2) whichever thing has the restaurant's name in it.
This time I sorta did both. I got the biscuits and gravy.
This place is cheap, relatively speaking. $6.79 for a biscuit, gravy, 4 ( ! ) strips of bacon - I could have had sausage or some other shit but, bacon - and two eggs, your choice of style. I went over easy.
I also got a frappuccino, which I thought was a Starbucks trademark, but they had a sign and I wasn't really asking too many questions. I wanted a damn biscuit.
This place knows how to get its hooks in you.
"Sir, do you have a rewards membership?"
"No, what's that."
"Just provide us with your phone number and we will give you free shit stop asking questions you know you want it." [paraphrased]
Biscuits came, table service. Nice. I feel bad for not tipping, but the rewards thing means I'm gonna come back and give them my meager earnings anyway.
I ate all of the food in approximately 5 minutes so that's good. Girlfriend said she wasn't one for the gravy, but I soaked that shit up. (She's a self-admitted gravy snob, I on the other hand, am a gravy apologist, it seems).
All in all, good place, good price, nice kinda ... N-Counter style (think diner meets Chipotle, for those of you not in the Tempe area). Would biscuit again.
Today, so far, has been a good one.
Woke up around 9, got some coffee (still jittery from that shit, my caffeine tolerance is in the can).
Came back, worked off coffee through mindless housework. Not saying housework is always mindless, but this one sure as hell was.
Zen. Just focus on the task at hand, try to limit all other distractions. Alan Watts quote once said even doing the dishes can be Zen, so why can't mopping floors?
Made video (above).
Heard my wonderful roommate is returning so I thought I would pick up the house for him a bit more so it smells nice n fresh for when he gets here. Heard from other roommate that first roommate was coming back about an hour ago, no dice so far.
Not super important.
Super important. For me, that is.
Working on a debut album with good ol' VAPOR, check back for more on that one. I'd like to keep my cards close to my chest here until it's all ready, not get too much hype up. (VAPOR SEZ GET HYPED.)
To do still today:
- Buy postage stuff to send letters out to friends. (If you're a friend and would like letters, feel free to email me. Electronic or physical mail, doesn't really matter. Leave it in the comments. I'll read all of it.)
- Make up list for contract work. Still can't say much on this one, since, you know, contracts n whatnot.
- Do said contract work. A little bit at a time, folks. That's my motto for the moment at least. Got too ahead of myself for a bit there, and especially since my psych is switching my meds gotta take this stuff slooooow. Or at least in small, small spurts.
- Not much planned after that.
- I got fish, I'll post pics or vidz later sometime, they're super cute, in a piranha sorta way.
Until next time folks,
Posts in chronological order:
Gonna be livetweeting the #Dota2 #ESLOne Fnatic vs @EvilGeniuses game (sorry Fnatic don't follow you atm. Working on that one)
I have to put on my glasses to read these names. #Dota2 needs to be watched on SUPER BIG screens. Like jumbotrons...
And first blood drawn while typing last tweet, #ESLOne
And first blood drawn while typing last tweet, #ESLOne
"We may be in for a long one." - Goooooooood. #ESLOne
*watches minimap all game*
"We may be in for a long one." - Goooooooood. #ESLOne
*watches minimap all game*
WHAT HAPPEN TO STREAM
So my desktop has this problem where the wireless adaptor sort of goes out... guess I shoulda figured that out before now
17-17 @ 46.39. Gooooooooood.
Dat bracket tho #ESLOne
Dude with pastry is my new hero. #ESLOne
It's been catching up with me, I think. The meds. Feeling up for so long, its very strange to feel down again.
Went to my psych today, he said that this tired feeling is to be expected with what they put me on in the hospital. Thankfully he's tweaking the dosage and taking me off of it, but in the meantime I may not feel the impulse to post as much as I used to.
Writing it down helps, though. My friends and family have been telling me that they've been keeping up with the blog, it makes me realize just how much of a support network I really have.
Today: bought fish. One died already, but I really didn't get attached to it in the hours it took to croak.
Tonight: was trying to go out with friends but never heard back, so I'm just staying in, eating some frozen lasagna and watching King of the Hill.
Very strange since tonight is Saturday, but I don't really care. Being unemployed means every day is your Saturday.
Think I might start up my contract writing position this week. Can't talk too much about that since it's ongoing but maybe once it's all said and done I'll give you guys a bit of a recap.
"He had the kids build a fake fire, it was just lame," Hank HIll says as the lasagna bubbles.
"You know what we could make? A dreamcatcher," Wesley, the somehow-squarer-than-Hank Straight Arrow/alt-Boy Scout leader replies.
Well the prize pool for that is now over $10 million.
From Reddit user wykrhm:
For the Dota Crowd
The prize pool of the The International this year is now surpassed 10 Million Dollars and the second set of stretch goals have all been fulfilled with over twenty days left for the conclusion of the event. Congrats Dota 2 community!
Are we done yet though? :)
For the non-Dota Crowd
The International is an annual tournament hosted by Valve Software for their action real time strategy game 'Dota 2 ' where 16 of the finest teams from across the world compete against each other for the world championship, massive prize pool that this thread is about and all the glory in the world.
Valve seeds $1.6 Million USD as the prize pool of the event with the Dota 2 community having the opportunity to add to the prize pool by purchasing the 'Interactive Compendium '. For every Compendium purchased, 25% ($2.50) of the sales are added to the prize pool of the event.
The Interactive Compendium this year was launched on May 9, 2014 and the Dota 2 community have purchased enough of them until today to have boosted the prize pool to over $10,000,000 technically adding over 5 times the base prize pool to the event.
TL;DR - $10 Million Dollars and more. 16 finest Dota Teams. July 18-21. KeyArena, Seattle. Do tune in so you can tell your kids you caught it live before it was cool.
I never used to get tremors. I mean I got Tremors (of the giant worm variety), but never was one to shiver in an air-conditioned room.
Aaand...checked my A/C and it was turned down to 71. Like living in a damn igloo in here.
Still a good Who song though. Live at Leeds is probably one of my favorite live albums of all time, if you haven't listened to it before, YouTube that shit like... yesterday.
Could've used this one last night.
Otherwise a good show ruined by *ahem* drugged out yuppies out for seemingly their first time. Or at least I hope it was their first. EDC has ruined electronic music, there, I said it.
I was there in 2010, the last year it was in beautiful Los Angeles, before moving to some cesspool in the desert.
Seems like people can't seem to understand just because it's hot here, just because gambling is legal here, does not mean Phoenix (or in this case, Tempe), is Las Vegas.
Go take your trapped out bro game elsewhere. I've seen the feather children, and they grew up to be weird-ass feather adults. I like incense as much as you bro, doesn't mean we have to get all hippie-dippie about it for like 5 hours.
Not speaking to anyone in particular here. Everyone I spoke with individually was wonderful. Speaking to "the crowd."
Met some really cool people too, saw some beautiful women, talked to few of them. If you are reading, Girl with Coachella Headdress Around Neck, you are exceedingly attractive, but your third eye is on the wrong way.
If I have personally offended any of you, its probably because some bit of you was annoying, again, take none personally.
I didn't sleep very well last night.
Watching Season 4 Episode 6 of Game of Thrones as I type this. I had missed out (but not necessariliy missed) all the TV I'd been watching. Too much media, too little attention it seems.
Anyway...fuck good part.
(I realize after typing this that I've entirely proved my own point. Hooray me.)
There's a trial going on.
"Ohhoohooo!" I literally just said, clapping to no one in particular. Maybe you, reader.
Anyway, I've been up to a lot more than watching GoT, but I think it's a good sign that I can finally spend a quiet night at home again, since for so long I could not.
I had sort of planned this post to list some of the things that I had been doing, and maybe I will.
- Found an awesome new Indian restaurant in Tempe. Buffet. Called Kohinoor Cuisine of India, right off ASU's campus. Ate it for dinner last night and lunch today, it's that good. For you readers who know me from college, it reminds me a lot of Nawab back in VA, but even better. Yeah, I said it.
- Installed Windows XP on my old laptop, with the idea in mind of making a concept album using circa 2008 technology. I know, I know, it sounds super nostalgic for the recent past, and it is. I may also give up and just sell the thing, who knows.
- Found my car keys.
- Ate some popcorn.
- Took my night time medication.
- Wrote this post.
I'll go into detail on more later, but wanted to bang one out before bed, also I really wanna see the next episode now. GoT 'em.
Night, all. Pleasant dreams.
When I was in the hospital most recently, my sister lent me her copy of Grapes of Wrath. Around the same time last year my dad lent me his copy of David McCulough's The Greater Journey.
William Nicholson once said, "We read to know that we are not alone." And that sentiment, of reading to connect with the world and to feel less isolated, may be more than just a poetic thought. Doctors are now prescribing books to patients with depression, hoping that reading will help them find connections.
Although at the time I was going through manic episodes and thought the books were codes to write the Great American Novel and jump ship and head to France, respectively, books are certainly powerful tools for the mental health system to treat what Leah Price at the Boston Globe refers to as "'mild to moderate' depression."
Personally, I think this is a great idea if done under a doctor's supervision. Reading for me is relaxing, or can be in the right circumstances. Doctors deciding the flow of information for people (especially adults) could be a bit iffy, but I think this is heading in the right direction.
Saw this myself downtown in the past few weeks but never got the chance to take a picture. Glad an r/arizona poster was there to snap a pic. Thanks bud!
1:00 PM AZT, -0700 GMT: Gonna be live tweeting World Cup Coverage for the next few hours while looking for jobs. Stay tuned!
1:29 Oh shit #realmatch #FifaWorldCup
1:31 "That's a pornstar body, for sure." #realtalk #FifaWorldCup
1:32 Oh yeah and I'm talking about the #KoreavsAlgeria game btw.
1:34 "If they win they should just play Gagnam Style." "That's their national anthem now."
2:04 Hot dogs, no matter what #USA
2:54 I have returned... with SCOOPS (and dip)
3:29 "That fuckin' haircut..."
3:51 "Wow, Spanish telivision" #Univision
3:52 Fuckin ads with parrots, #ABC too busy talking about Iraq or something...
3: 55 During half, listen to some REAL AMERICAN music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Zbi0XmGtMw&feature=kp … #vengabus
4:11 #IBelieveThatWeWillWin.nothing is guaranteed, but I'm more of an xfiles fan so #iwanttobelieve
4:23 Bend it like Beckham - Teddy Roosevelt
4: 24 Deez colors don't run.
4:25 67th minute: sponsored by band aid
4:28 Is Jack white the greatest musician of our generation? Where's my #kanye chant
4:37 PM AZT: No job looking done so far, a lot of Modelo drinking and hot dog eating though. Prepare for tweetload incoming.
4:40 Stomach goal
7:31 PM AZT: Fell asleep for a few hours, I needed that nap. We needed that game.
USA USA USA!
Now I don't consider myself a gambling man, but the odds last night were astronomical.
It began with me going to visit a cute girl at her place - for bike rides. Now I had been a big fan of biking all through college but never really got the chance out here until recently. I should do another post sometime about my bikescursions, but that's not important now.
What is important is that I lost my spoke card - my Black Sprockets spoke card - which was recently mailed to me by an old friend from college. My only copy.
And I lost it, or I thought I did. Me and CG get riding down the bike lanes of Tempe, AZ and about a little less than a mile I notice that it's missing.
Anyway, we ride back to get it, nowhere to be found. Was about to call it a night and head back home when I see my spoke card lying on top of a bush - like somebody had found it and picked it up, maybe. Who knows?
I grab my golden ticket and run down the street to where CG is sitting, babbling incoherently. We decide that in celebration we will buy a couple of pints at the bar about a block away.
Get to the bar, have a pint, feel a wave of anger/dispair wash over me. No reason, really.
But I perk up a bit when I see a familiar face - a very familiar face. Somebody who was in RIAZ with me was standing outside, getting his ID checked.
I shoot up, look like a nerd, stumbling over spaghetti, etc.
Say hi, strike up conversation, exchange contact info, play pool, say goodnight.
A few hours later I run into him again, we talk some more.
Such strange camaraderie found in places like RIAZ, especially on the outside. Feeling really sleepy now, but had to get something down on paper to share with the class.
Hope you're having a great Saturday, and a good weekend to all.
Happy Solstice, guys.
Been super busy the last couple of days, which is good for me but horrible for pageviews (the horror!)
I'm not getting paid for any of said views, its just sorta...nice to know that people are reading. For a long time I was worried about being "watched," but then realized that the people watching were very much concerned.
So I've been good, everybody.
Yesterday I found about a couple of subreddits, and, potentially interpreted troll-tactics aside, I've been trying to keep their great positive vibe going. You can check the ones I subscribed to out at:
Mom, if you're wondering what I was talking about yesterday, this would be it.
Both function as sort of online "support groups," quite similar to ones I went to at Desert Vista.
The peer groups were probably some of the best parts (Medical supervision always - and in this case probably necessarily - required) of my time there, but they can get repetitive especially if you spend a week or so with the same bunch of folks.
A lot of negative vibes as well "fuck this place," etc, which are understandable in a locked facility, but these are more...voluntary sharings. Really cool.
These have the added benefits of being both a larger group and well-moderated. R/bipolar also doesn't do the normal Reddit downvote shit that so famously ticked me off.
Anyway, cleaning up (my real house) now, but stay tuned dear reader for more nonadventures of a dude with a blooooog!